.

In looking back through my life, I think the very thing that has helped me is also the thing that has hurt me. And in a way, this makes sense. Why shouldn’t it be this way, in the human comedy? But the desire to connect, the desire for solidarity, the desire to be with others, help others and be happy, is only what drove me to madness when life funneled me into solitude, and ambition. Success seemed so arbitrary, when pitted as subterfuge. I got smiles for joyless moments of impasse, and was greeted with hostility during intellectual or spiritual revelations.

Another interesting thing is that I got nervous over the most intense periods of joy. Maybe this is related to my previous point — this sort of thing would be most offensive to other people.
All trees are half my eyes, and half yours.

Oh,

The nervous fibres when they
Steel into the mind’s eye
Forming
.
Our ego these are dangerous
Platitudes in
Life
.
And the best thing to do is let go of them.

I put the book down,

Descartes,
And I consider,
Entering
.
Situations of need,
Torn fissures tended by gauzes of wind
And predilections of
Ice within clouds,
.
That I hope the onlooker
Should bear some leniency onto me,
And allow me to form to them,
Conform to them,
And we’ll sing a song in November together,
Having graced, akin.

The new ideal is a grey

Dancing man,
.
Whose mind you do not know.
In his
Mesmerizing fingers you
See Earth’s ushers,
Hand-me-downs coaxed
Authentically to prepare an overture
Grabbing the sandman from the interstate exit.

I have all these faculties and nothing to do with them.

So in my mind, form crosshairs.
The hot matrix boxes my caste, I see the glare of the lights.
All supposed nurtures have stood in mocking.
At the end of the day
The teacher will go home to remonstrances,
Reeling back in his mind to the success of the day,
Where I’ll be driven out onto the street
With nothing
At hand but the further gray unfolding,
And I’m a welterweight steeped in this life of talons.

You better heal my steps

When the foot bridge closes,
‘Cause they ain’t teachin’ nothin’
Good in school,
.
Just about how great the white man is,
How we’re all movin’ toward amnesia
When it’s hostility, tear gas
In the streets, the
Principal
.
Standing with a fat
Face hovering
Watching
You dance
And she can’t even come clean.

Cursed primates,

Standing with no needs,
This is what we’ve ascended from,
.
To cast vulgarness of
A still, forsaken pond, our stars
So unmistakeable
.
As to galvanize little hand dials
Into one figure,
One cosmic figure.

A smile I get

In this life
When I’m pitching clay into the lagoon,
.
Advertising thrust to mold
When the avengers’ cosmic sea
Has already hurled me around moons,
Eyes.

Sure, it’s gotten better,

The city,
The pilgrims have passed through and we’re unified,
I’ve seen it in the oscillating neck muscles of a social worker
How to be damned
Is on fan, ceiling, spinning.

The thought hits me, sometimes relinquishing the endeavor of something you’re bad at is every bit as crucial and defining as persisting in an effort in something you’re good at.